John Lennon “Love”

Posted on November 6, 2007
Filed Under Old Posts |

A couple of years ago, my sister graduated from law school. My parents, grandmother and I flew out to San Diego for the graduation. My parents and grandmother stayed in a beach rental near the Mexican border. Border Protrol helicopters buzzed the roof all night and most of the day. My mother and I went for a walk on a nearby nature trail in the marshes. We watched the helicopters circling overhead. “How will they know we’re not illegals,” I asked my mother. I hadn’t brought my wallet with me and was sure I would get arrested and sent back to Mexico. I can’t even speak Spanish.

My grandmother and my father spent the days grazing on sugar-filled snacks. Both of them were on their best behavior and hardly argued at all. My father pointed out his good behavor to me repeatedly during the week.

I stayed at my sister’s place. Her six year relationship was near collapse and their apartment was flooded with tension. I felt uncomfortable and out of place most of the time.

By the time we were ready to leave California, I was tired and tense. I’m sure all of us were. I wandered around the airport by myself, looking for good cell phone reception. The only place I found it was next to a Mexican restaurant that was blaring music through busted speakers. I sat down on a plastic airport chair and called my boyfriend at the time. It was good to talk to someone who wasn’t a relative. I didn’t say much, I just let him talk and talk. I was trying to figure out what to do about him. I had already gotten advice from a friend to break it off. I didn’t know it at the time, but I would get the same advice from others in the future.

When it was finally time to board, I hung up and made my way to the gate. A woman was freaking out about getting on the plane. She was crying and screaming. Airport security had formed a circle around her. As the paramedics came to take her away, we got on the plane.

The flight was unremarkable. After not being able to find anything to watch on television, I found a Miles Davis collection on the airline music channel and pulled out a novel to read. Once I’d listened to all the Miles Davis they had to offer, I started scrolling through the rest of the play list and I came across John Lennon’s Love. I remembered liking the album it was on (Plastic Ono Band) in college, but hadn’t heard it since. I listened to the song and stared out the window at the puffy white clouds. Then I listened to it again and again. I listened to that one song over and over again for the whole last hour of the flight. I didn’t read. I didn’t talk to anyone. I just looked out the window and listened.